I embraced Islam when I was in the US Army in Saudi Arabia in 1995. I got out of the Army and currently live in Europe and work for the US Army as a civilian. When I accepted Islam, despite several hard times, I still believed and practiced. Slowly but surely, by the Grace of Allah, I was able to learn a lot, had a circle of good Muslims around me, and even though I had problems and trials of this life, I was happy and at peace. Then after sometime, I got married to a Muslim. To make a long story short, I had to divorce her because no matter what we tried we could never see eye to eye and several other reasons. Also, from the start of my marriage my faith started to fade slowly. Due to the fact that I am an American and most brothers at the mosque I attend are Arabs, I was getting criticized because of my divorce and because I am American. I would try to just be patient in that situation, pray, and ask Allah for guidance. Even though I tried everything I could to build my faith, I was fading back into my old self. I slowly started to fade from being with brothers because it seemed as if no one wanted to associate with me. I slowly stopped praying, stopped going to Jummah, and then slowly my faith faded. I realize that only Allah knows the heart of a believer or disbeliever no matter what, I couldn't seem to get my faith back. I think that my heart was dying and began to go back to my old ways before Islam. I got the total negative belief that Allah didn't want me in the Deen and I started to give up. This led me only to a road of serious social, economic, and mental problems. I don't sleep very much, I don't like my existence, and I reached a point of total negativity that I even now doubt that my sins would ever be forgiven, that " I am going to hell anyway". All my life, I've been told by one person or another that I would be nothing ....ranging from my parents, teachers, fellow soldiers, my ex-wife, and even more painfully, my brothers in Islam. The fact that people told me this used to motivate me to try harder at anything I did until I heard it from Muslims. Now I have very little motivation and have been just going through the motions of life for a few years now. Going to work at a job I hate, working for people that are ruthless and cold-hearted, and (worst of all things) not living for the sake of Allah. Even though I was a soldier and I work for the Government, I never had the desire to do this. I joined the Army due to the situation at the time. I was one of the top 5% of US students when I graduated from high school and could not go to school due to the lack of money. Even though I am no longer part of the Army as a soldier, I do work for them. This also was a major factor in my downfall. I no longer have the desire to work for the Government because I feel that my life is passing me. I always had the goal of getting my Ph.D. and starting my own business. After I accepted Islam, I wanted the same goal but to use it to help brothers all over the world to empower themselves. Now it's just a dream. After 9/11, I started to really search my soul. I realize that my belief in Allah is still there but very limited. I see that Allah has power over everything and that there is a difference between Islam and Muslims. My questions are: After reading in the Qu'ran that once you accept the faith and turn from it that Allah will give those people the punishment of this life and the next. How in my situation do I repent? Is a sin to seek professional help? I ask this one because I've been told that it's never good for a Muslim to seek it and I never have. Can you explain the true meaning of fate to me? Last and hardest, is there any way that I can get my faith back in Allah and myself?

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Dear Brother, your faith is dwindling because you are trying to become someone you are not. You are a Muslim because Allah chose you as a Muslim. The Quran says Allah wants to forgive you time and time again. There are a lot of people in the world who don't want to see you succeed. They are not your friends. In some cases you will have to persevere alone. But everything comes from Allah. If your job is making you depressed quit. Ask Allah to help you find an alternate source of livelihood. Allah didn't take you this far to let you down. Sometimes a person has to hit rock bottom in order to bounce back. It is time for you to ask Allah with total honesty for what you really want. So don't act too religious. But never doubt that you are Muslim. Be true to yourself, so Allah can send you the person who is right for you, and together you can journey on the path.



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