I feel very angry and frustrated towards my parents especially towards my father, the way they brought me up, the atmosphere in the home, and the way my personality developed (I am 36 now). I am severely under-confident, have low self-esteem, I am a confused sort of a misfit and inhibited person and therefore developed into an unsuccessful person. Now I can see that my parents never bothered when I was developing like this. Also in my professional affairs no guidance was given to me. I was just going through a profession without any real interest in it. I was developing into a complex and confused person. I feel anger and regret that they didn't guide me, or take any real interest in my personality development, my professional aspirations or in my marriage. I am not satisfied about all these three aspects of my life.

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Kindness, love, respect, and care for parents come after our prayer and obedience to Allah (swt). Try to forgive your parents and trust that they did the best they could do with the knowledge that they had at that time. Parents who failed to give their children a sense of self-esteem often lacked self-esteem themselves. It could be that your father was also totally unprepared for marriage and kids. At the same time, you have to realize it is normal to feel angry if someone made you feel worthless. If someone did something wrong you have the right to hate his actions without hating the person. Anger is a biological response which proves that your true self wants to have self-esteem. It can take many years after moving out of your parents' house to undo the emotional damage caused from a bad home atmosphere growing up. You owe it to yourself and to your future children to learn to be the man you wish your father could have been. Being kind to yourself is part of loving Allah's Creation and essential to loving others. When you were a child you were powerless but now you are free to be happy and to be yourself. You are old enough at this point to ask yourself what you want out of life and go after it. You must believe that Allah wants you to succeed and to be happy. The person in the best position to help you express yourself the most could be your wife. Learn to appreciate her unique qualities, and encourage her to develop her true interests with your support. This will help undo your inhibitions caused by other people not helping you discover your unique qualities. By loving another person and being loved in return, we learn who we are, and we start to grow, to thrive and to succeed.



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